The summer before my senior year of high school I got the biggest opportunity of my life. I was offered a student research position at… *drumroll* NASA!
I thought I was living my dream.
I had been doing research for almost two years at that point, and I jumped at it eagerly. I ended up working (I use the word ‘working’ loosely, I did bioinformatic work remotely) on a project called BioRock for my entire senior year and my first semester of college, I thought I was living my dream.
If that were the case, then this would be a…
About two weeks ago I sat down to write my first article in a long time. It was meant to be about productivity and how to boost your own as we come into this beautiful spring season. But I just couldn’t do it.
Feeling more unmotivated than ever, I started to talk to a few of my friends, and this transition into the spring season was actually making most of them feel worse too. Their seasonal depression wasn’t turning to run at the first sign of natural sunlight, and they were (and still are) pretty jarred.
It wasn’t just seasonal…
It has been a long time,
Someone knocked over the bell atop my grave
A while ago.
I am not exactly sure how long it’s been.
I mostly sleep now.
There is not much else to do.
I have counted
The cracks in each of the panes of wood that made up the coffin —
I’ve counted those too.
I run my fingers along each of them,
Anything to feel again.
I know when new ones form,
And when one does I recount
To make sure I was right.
I usually am.
I have counted
The strands that made up…
the blood feels like
it’s trying to crawl out of my skin.
my fingertips feel heavy,
my palms and feet are slick with sweat.
this unidentifiable roaring
in my head
has become too much.
the incessant ringing
makes my head pound.
are hot to the touch.
the blood just wants to get out.
anywhere it can.
there’s nowhere to crawl
in this airtight box.
nowhere to go but where you
so it crawls through me,
making my ears ring
and my head pound.
It’s been getting harder to remember
Sometimes it is that I exist.
I’ve covered all the mirrors
In my apartment,
The image in it is unfamiliar
And strange to look at.
There are a million different
Versions of me dissenting
And I can no longer discern
Which one is me.
Pieces of scribbled on notebook paper
Lay strewn around my apartment.
They are pieces of me,
They are the moments I cling on to
In the darkness between days,
Between four a.m. cigarettes,
Between the long moments of silence
In the morning when the birds fall quiet.
Pulling up next to the lake
We drove past a few weeks ago
My knees ache
From pulling my boots through
The cold bites at my skin beneath my shirt,
I can’t feel my ears.
Finally my foot falls on the frozen lake,
I step out before checking
If it is sturdy enough to hold me.
I can hear the ice crinkling under my feet,
If I look close enough I feel like
I can see it fracturing.
I stand there, in the middle of the frozen lake.
I wait for a sound louder than…
It is quite beautiful,
The view from my apartment.
For miles above my ceiling.
I feel unimportant,
But not in the small sense —
As the ocean is to the moon,
I am merely entertainment.
A spectacle to be beheld.
My time feels like it’s up,
I feel like there’s nothing left for me to do.
So I’ll just sit here,
And wait to get sick
And wait to forget how to breathe.
Sometimes we feel small, and frankly it’s true. In the grand scheme of things we are small.
But that doesn’t mean…
wam a freshman at Creighton University in Omaha, Nebraska. Recently a lot of the underclassmen friends that I made in high school have been asking me for help. “How do I apply?” “Where do I apply” “What the heck is up with the FAFSA?” are some of the many questions that I have been fielding since completing my own college application journey.
All that said, I am here to offer the complete guide to everything you need to know about the college bound experience!
This is by far the most common question I’ve been receiving and the answer: YESTERDAY!
I draw the curtains
And haphazardly pull the sheets back over my bed —
The mattress is too hot to lay directly on.
I shroud myself in the covers and lay,
Staring at the ceiling,
I just lay.
It is just past noon
But it is dark in my room —
Because the curtains.
A sliver of light highlights
The backscatter of motes
Of dust above me.
It is quite beautiful.
I watch them swirl and dance
As the wind blows through the window,
Eventually, the sun sets.
The light from the moon is not bright…